If you are looking for the relationship goals every married couple should have, you are in the right place.
In this article, we will cover 21 relationship goals that, though they aren’t complicated, many couples don’t implement in their marriage.
If you pursue these 21 relationship goals, you will be well on your way to having a happy, successful marriage.
1. To stay BFFs (best friends forever)
When you were dating and just got married, you were friends. That’s what your relationship was built off – friendship.
Unfortunately for many couples, as time goes by, the friendship fades away. They get busy, or they let arguments destroy their friendship.
Over time, they hardly know each other.
Make it your goal to be the best of friends forever. Protect your friendship. Never let issues or arguments get in the way of being and talking as friends.
2. To date every week (and have fun together!)
Before you married, you dated each other. You spent a lot of time with each other.
You made that a priority.
Don’t let that fade away in your marriage. Make it a priority to spend one on one time with one another and have fun together every week.
It doesn’t have to be expensive. It can be a walk or going to the park.
Just make it time away from everything else like you used to do as a couple.
And protect that time – don’t allow arguments or issue talk during that time. Keep it fun!
3. To know everything about each other
My guess is that when you were dating your spouse, you knew everything about him and her.
Don’t let that stop.
Many couples stop talking to one another. They are strangers in their own homes.
Don’t let that happen to you.
Make time to spend with one another and talk. Know each other intimately.
4. To work as a team
Too many marriages become “you vs me”. Spouses work and act against each other instead of with each other.
Let your goal be that in whatever you face, you will face it together, as a team.
Whatever issues you have in your marriage, it’s not one person or the other’s fault, it’s a problem you face together.
Live and act as a team.
5. To openly communicate with one another
A lot of problems occur in a marriage because the husband and wife do not communicate with one another.
They have unspoken expectations, needs, and wants.
Sometimes they assume the other person should “just know” or “get it”. Or they assume what the other person wants or is thinking and doesn’t say anything.
All that does is cause frustration and pain.
Make it your goal to always communicate openly with one another.
6. To show appreciation to each other every day
Make it a goal to show appreciation to each other every day. Whether it’s a “thank you”, a “good job”, or an unexpected note, let your spouse know that you see them, acknowledge them, and appreciate them.
It can be super easy to stop noticing the positives that your spouse does and focus on the negative or to see everything that your spouse does as “normal” and not notice it. Don’t.
Take time to notice and show appreciation for what they do.
7. To do something unexpected or extra every day
Make it a goal to go above and beyond for your husband or wife every day. It could be a chore, a note, helping out in some way, or doing something nice because your spouse had a bad day.
Find a way to do something unexpected or extra for your spouse every day.
8. To give 110% to the relationship
Many couples have a 50-50 mentality. They expect each other to give 50%.
This can cause trouble. When you focus on making sure your spouse does “equal” amounts, it leads to scorekeeping, nitpicking, bitterness, resentment, and arguments.
You do want to talk (appropriately) about issues if you feel you are being treated unfairly, but if you are focusing on making sure each person does a certain amount, you are bound for trouble.
Instead, let both of your goals be to give 110%.
Don’t focus on what you are getting from the relationship. Focus on what you can give to the relationship.
9. To never threaten with the “D” word
Don’t view your commitment flippantly. When you threaten with the divorce (or threaten the relationship in other ways), you are only causing harm.
It can also make the other spouse feel less safe in the relationship, which can cause them not to open up as much and to pull away.
Make it your goal to never threaten the relationship (or your commitment to it) in an argument.
10. To enjoy each other’s differences
Each of you is different. You have different personalities, skills, ideas, background, and so on.
Sometimes the differences that attracted couples in the first place become points of contention as time went by.
Instead of letting those be points of contention and arguments, learn to celebrate your differences. Find ways to make them work for your good.
Every marriage has problems. Every marriage has spouses that are different. What matters is how you choose to face and react to those difference.
Make it a goal to celebrate each other’s differences and use them to your benefit, not to your disadvantage.
11. To focus on each other’s strengths
Each of you has strengths and weaknesses in different areas.
One of you may be better at organizing and another one better at numbers and balancing the checkbook. Don’t let you focus be where the other is weak, but focus on the strengths.
We all generally know what our shortcomings are – it doesn’t help when you keep pointing them out to one another and criticizing each other.
Let your goal be to always focus on each other’s strengths.
12. To always be there for one another
We all want (and need) to know that there is someone there for us, who will listen to us and support us when we are going through a tough time.
In fact, Markman, Stanley, and Blumberg in their book Fighting For Your Marriage say that “Researchers have also discovered that believing support is available to you is even more important than the support you actually use.”
Be that person to your spouse. Always be there for them to support them as they go through the pains that can come with life.
Never use those times to argue or to give unwanted advice or judgments. Just be there to support.
13. To deal with issues and disagreements constructively
Make it a goal that you will always deal with issues and disagreements in a respectful, loving way and as a team.
Anytime something begins to escalate, take a pause or rescue the conversation to keep it from moving from “solving an issue” to “hurting one another”.
14. To save problem talk for the right time
One reason relationships are hurt and marriages grow apart is that problem talk is brought up at the wrong time.
When one of you is tired, hungry, or stressed is generally not a good time. If one of you is just getting home from work or right before bedtime is also generally not a good time.
If every time you try to talk as friends, one of you brings up a contentious issue that you both argue about, you both will start to avoid talking to each other as friends.
Instead, save all problem and issue talk for a set specific time (or ask first if it’s a good time), and never allow problem talk during friendship, fun, or support time.
15. To let the past stay in the past
Make it a goal that once an issue is dealt with and forgiveness is given, it will not be brought back up again.
Bringing up each other’s past mistakes in the middle of an argument and holding it over one another is a great way to destroy your relationship and marriage.
Let sleeping dogs lie and keep the past in the past.
16. To always be the best for each other
Too many people wait till they are divorced to “spruce” themselves up for a potential date.
Did you try to be your best for your spouse before your married?
Do that now. Be the best you can for the spouse you have now!
Make it a goal to be the best you can be for your spouse.
17. To always support each other’s dreams and goals
Each of you has your own dreams and goals.
Don’t let your dreams and goals be in opposition to one another. Instead, support one another in each others’ dreams and goals.
Work together to support and help each other achieve their goals. Don’t let it be “his or her” goal, let them be “our” goals.
18. To support each other’s individual and friend time
While the relationship with your spouse should be the most important relationship, it’s also important for us to have some time for ourselves and to have time with our friends.
Support, encourage and help each other to have these times.
Not only will it be good for your spouse when they do, it will benefit your relationship as well.
19. To forgive each other quickly
We all make mistakes. We all mess up.
If all of our mistakes were held over us, we would all be in trouble.
Be quick to forgive. Be quick to let go.
Forgiveness and forgetting are not the same things. You both may have to work together to solve an issue or deal with the consequences.
But if hold unforgiveness in your heart, it not only will hurt you, but it will hurt your relationship as well.
20. To laugh often
Don’t take life too seriously. Have fun and laugh.
Learning to laugh during hard times, at ourselves and our foibles, and at the silliness that comes our way will make life much more pleasant.
It will also help your relationship as well.
When you can laugh together even during the tough issues, you will find that you can often better face whatever situations that come your way.
21. To always view the relationship from a long-term view
There is safety in a relationship when each person knows that the other is committed to the long-term.
When there is uncertainty, issues and withdrawal can happen.
View your relationship from the long-term.
Speak and talk as if you will be together for the long-term – and mean it.
Plan with each other and dream with each other.
Plan for you what you would like to see and happen years down the road.
Viewing your relationship from the long-term can also help during your arguments. You will more likely see yourself as a team, and you may also find that many arguments, from a long-term perspective, aren’t really that big of a deal.
There you have it: 21 relationship goals every married couple should have.
Remember to always be friends, have fun together, support one another, be committed to the long-term, and handle issues as a team constructively.
Do this, and you will likely find that no matter what comes your way, you can have a happy, successful marriage together.
Take this list, look over it with your spouse, and talk about it. What goal or goals are you going to start focusing on today?
Now to you:
Do you have any other goals for your relationship that you are willing to share?
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